Chains

 Undeniably bound by substances.

The chains gripped me tight with sin.

Perfect armor for protection.

Never wanting to break them,

I liked living that way; no desire to change.

Those chains numbed pain.

Until one day, a hurricane.

It felt like everything was crushed & stripped away.

First my house, no longer a home.

Then my heart, left alone.

How do I explain what it’s like,

To want a temporary feeling more than your own life?

To need that sensation to feel alive-

To not care if it were to all be over-

To forget what it’s like to function sober-

To not recognize your own face in the mirror.

Took a hard fall into habits I never thought. 

How am I not strong enough, to take a day off?

And resist the temptation- 

This is no longer for recreation.

Altered state of mind lifestyle.

Last weapon in my arsenal:

Pray.

As I begged to not continue to fall.

I remember what it felt like when we really met,

He came to me right where I was at.

He reminded me I’m never alone.

He reminded me I am home.

Right where I belong-

No longer wrapped in chains, just His arms.

He told me, ‘I love you as you are’

He helped me look up from the mess I was in.

I took His hand, and slowly my recovery began.

The chain links began to gently 

Break off and fall away.

My spirit strengthened 

To resist my bodily weakness

Of consistent cravings.

Step work peels back the painful layers 

I’ve been hiding behind.

Unveiling the truth hurts every time.

To the girl staring back at me in the mirror, I apologize. 

Addiction is a disease- it’s cunning & baffling.

And every day is going to be a fight

For the rest of this life.

Sacrifice.

I surrender to my bondage breaker.

Giving every temptation to him in daily prayer.

A communication that has been key

To honoring the greatest gift I’ve ever been given: 

Sobriety.

Living in freedom of his grace,

God works in mysterious ways.

~ Carly Reed