Artwork

There’s solitude within the soil,

The thoughts planted in my mind.

I grow a garden within my imagination,

It feels safer to keep inside.

People talk about dancing in the rain;

Judging by my self-destructive ways, 

I’ve been playing in the flames.

I haven’t always been this way.

Enticed by lust, driven by pride

Denying my ego would be a lie

When temptations lead, it’s misguiding 

Demons in disguise surrounding

Searching for the message within a mess;

Realization that nothing Earthly is promised.

People nor possessions.

A beautiful disaster taught me this harsh lesson

Undeniably bound by substances.

The chains gripped me tight with sin.

Perfect armor for protection.

Never wanting to break them

Every grain of sand clinging to my skin

Represents some form of sin

Wearing my recognized rebellion

Trapped inside an hourglass 

Measuring repetitive moments as they pass.

The sand piles, and sticks to me

Each grain, different feelings of a memory

The accumulation is getting heavy

The real me doesn’t feel seen at all

Who is she? Lost my inner child

Euphoric recall

Feelings of sensitivity to numb

Substances buried you slowly

And I disregarded your existence within me

You watched me use, it shattered you

Grateful you’ve never disappeared completely 

It’s been a few years, have you witnessed 

The living diaries of my addictions?

Recovering out loud can knock my confidence

Then there you are again

We share another cigarette

What I craved was always a thief

One of us had to leave

I don’t quit, so better you than me

How’s that for processing grief

Enjoy the journey 

Be along for the ride

Child of Christ, perfect in his eyes

Keep spreading your wings,

Beautiful butterfly

Implying future direction

Driven by previous lessons

Our past can be extremely valuable

When we bring with us what is useful

Emerging with a new perspective

Like a phoenix rising, majestic 

Dancing in darkness

Beneath the shadow of Your wings

Wind-up doll

Cut the puppet strings

Allow His heart to speak into yours

And soar

Recovery is about the life we create

One we don’t want to escape

You wanted me to lay down

And give up

But this is my Amelia Earhart era

Taking off, departure 

 I wish you well,

It’s time for me to love myself

I can’t be your Florence Nightingale

Goosebumps, shivering cold

As my thoughts unfold

Tired and delusional

Staring at these white walls

Inner demons attempt to get closer

Not wanting this battle to be over

Running my mind through a graveyard

Gazing at the stars

Seeing a light, but it’s far

Let the addict in me starve

As I heal the scars

Accept the things we cannot change

Release with gratitude & grace

Silent strength

Blank page hear my soul

Forgive my lack of self control

As I write it out, let it go

Being alone is my comfort zone

 Pray Your Word will saturate our thoughts

To shape the reality of who we are

Help Your voice be the loudest in my life

Speak Your heart through mine

 Sticks and stones may break my bones

And hurtful words negatively impose

But Scripture is the antidote