Tailor Made

 Step onto the scale

You can’t be serious

How’d I gain two pounds 

over the weekend?

What’s the cure for self hatred?

Learned the hard way, it wasn’t substances

As an effort to heal and understand

Now I format my thoughts into words instead

Who knew pain could be so poetic

Every attempt to write this

Tears sit behind my eyelids

An apology to my body

With a bit of an explanation 

Watching the most beautiful people have children,

We were told we couldn’t do that

So let’s marry my career and collect possessions 

Tangible objects, like kids, I’ll even name them

Thought I had the perfect life plan

Combat feelings with substances and brands

Tainted by society standards

Sacrificing morals for appearance

No secret the world we live in

Places a heavy emphasis and attraction

On physical looks and status 

Clutching my designer purse

Wrap the tape measure around my curves,

Do these numbers tell you my worth?

A reflection that’s vacant in the mirror

With an empty stare, are you there? 

Eyes glare, masking sadness

Body dysmorphia at it’s finest

Hoping my body can forgive me

For filling it with toxins and verbal negativity 

The names I called you, the self harm endured

I didn’t know how else to communicate my hurt

I’ve treated you like the enemy, 

But we’re suppose to be a team

I ask my body now if we can be friends

It said it’s waited our whole life for this

Tells me it thinks I look perfect 

Let’s get comfortable in my own skin

Beauty isn’t a size, what lies within?

Redirecting my focus on love and appreciation

Reminder that we’re God’s creation

He cares about our heart’s condition

Each of us intricately made my him,

With the purest of intention

To serve the Kingdom and live in good faith

Our jean size won’t open Heaven’s gates

~ Carly Reed